Thoughts on faith.
Today I was thinking about something. I wish I had a closer relationship with God. I wish I was more of a Catholic, closer with my religious roots, I suppose. I’m proud of telling people that I’m an Irish Catholic, but not because I’m a practicing Catholic, but instead because of the typical reaction to that. Just like people react to Italian Catholics, or what they think when they hear that. Yes, I was baptized Catholic, raised going to Catholic churches, Catholic schools. Hell, I even chose to go to a Catholic college. (Two actually) But I will be totally honest. Church bores me. Catholics depress me, because we as a whole don’t so much live our faith as we mourn it. (Not to say that every Catholic does this. I can think of one special one that lives her faith everyday. I wish I could be like that.) One of my major issues, is that I’m just too damn stubborn to change the way that I live because of a religion, no matter which one it is. I figure that I live a decent life, so I’m not going to end up in Hell, for the most part. Sure, I’ve said some messed up things, but for the most part, I’m a good person, because let’s face it. No one is perfect. I konw that being a Catholic isn’t really something you can be taught, trust me, after over 12 years of Catholic schools, no one can teach you how to have faith in something. You either do or you don’t. Now, I’m not saying I have no faith in God. But I just sometimes feel like I’m not in the right religion I guess. Or maybe the wrong sect of that religion. I don’t know. I mean, I see other people with such a strong sense of faith, and I envy that. I wish I had the power in my heart (or should I say soul?) to give the hard things in my life over to God, and pray. Not just when I’m desperate for help, or guidance, but just to have that relationship with something bigger than me, to reach out and talk, even though I won’t always get a direct answer, but have complete faith that I’m being listened to. I’ve always been attracted to books, shows, film about different religions, wondered what each one is like. Maybe trying to find out which one is for me. Another I don’t know is popping in my head. I guess I’m going to need someone to talk to on this one.
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